花还来不及开就已被冷酷的现实冻枯了。
心插着不知第即把刀了。
曾以为是执着地等待,
或许只是无理的期待。
也许我只是个你不想有任何相干的闲杂人,
但毕竟你还是那个我最放不想下的那个人。

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Went back to Malaysia to my sick/disabled(or both?) gramps. Haven’t seen him in like 2-3 years since grandma’s funeral and so much(bad stuff) happened. Seeing his plight made me wanna cry a little, but soon managed to get over the urge. It all the more made me realize I should keep to a healthy diet(where can I find cheap and healthy food outside???) and find time(where got time???) to exercise regularly.

Also, because of this situation, money became the source of family feud among my parents’ generation(again! Haiz…). I should stop procrastinating and get my financial setup done soon to build up a good amount of retirement funds so I never have to face such situation again at old age… Easier said than done, but I really hope I can pull this off. So sick and tired of money squabbles and obstinate people.

Bought a few new clothes(quite cheap by SG standards) and also some omiyages(unlimited omiyage works!). Hope people would like them when I share it out in office tomorrow 🙂

Negative things aside, went for a haircut and somehow also got some beginner tips on styling hair(no selfies 😦 the free styling was decent, though not exactly the type I wanted so not much loss). The wax and hairspray made my heart ache for my wallet T.T. I hope I wun botch it up and make myself late tomorrow due to the time spent styling. 老了才爱美,太迟了?

This month will be a hectic and eventful one. With this week being so packed and my concert trip coming up next week. Sooo looking forward to it.

Thanks for reading through my emo rants and yea, until next time!

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Looking back on 2017 and Welcoming 2018

It’s a new year already! Heck the saying of “New year, new me”, it’s still the same old, shitty me 🙂 2017 has been eventful in that I have reached another milestone in life, but yet I don’t find it particularly memorable(probably gonna blame it on my dementia…).

Started the new year very happy and hopeful by celebrating it in Japan. Woohoo! It was so fun to be soaking in Japan’s new year atmosphere. I remember being a little sad when I had to return to Singapore as I missed the “carefree” life there(mainly because I am not a salaryman there).

Then came the final semester of school. Honestly, I could have just graduated without doing this semester, why am I paying more school fees to put myself through unnecessary torture? But somehow, I was glad to be able to learn things that interest me: all those low-level technical stuff from operating systems course and distributed thinking and optimization in big data course and parallel computing course. I am still so self-admiring whenever I think about my C code that uses bitmasking to store information about the playability of the surrounding squares in an Othello board in a compact manner.

And yea, with that I graduated and became a 社会人! Grad trip was my first time in Korea. Even though it was an all-guys trip, I still miss those days as I more or less forgot about all of life’s woes and crises.

Then came work. I remembered being very stressed about whether I can pass the probation period(the tasks were so tough I.M.O). Somehow I made it through and though almost all subsequent tasks were hard, they were interesting and I felt sense of achievement. I hope work would remain this interesting to me and I hope to become good soon so that I can get out of the noobie mode and enter the sibei zai laojiao mode 🙂 Work aside, I still feel empty on the inside. With barely any close friends I can talk on personal level, it feels like all I can look forward to going to office is to accomplish feats, nothing else: I have no life other than working and going home. Even had a few secret breakdowns as quarter-life crisis set in. Eventually, I got back into ‘actor’ mode and took the character of a character in a recent anime I watched as my own and moved on with life. Everyday felt like cos-ing as an anime character(in terms of character). Though it can be said I am trying to escape reality(typical pisces?), but it let me see everything in a slightly different light and things seem a bit happier when I don’t really care about anything.

The year ended decent I think(something happy happened). For the new year resolution, other than the longstanding relationship goals, I hope to improve on my financial literacy, position and freedom by being able to build up a small wealth by the end of the year. All the best to myself and a Happy New Year to all!

By the way, if you watched the new year’s fireworks, so are they round or flat? Hehe.

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Early Christmas Post

Christmas is coming, and it seems like everyone is in the mood for festivities or having things to look forward to. Seeing everyone chat and laugh over lunch celebration warms my heart a little: at least it’s not the kind of cold, dreadful office environment 🙂

But then again, I am still roaming about,  eating by myself at one corner. It still feels so difficult to open up and talk about non-work related stuff: hobbies, life, random  stuff etc. Feels like so long and I have yet to change. I hope I am not lying to myself about being a bit happier than last time.

Looking forward to rest up this(and the next) long weekend! Till the next time.

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Long and good day today(strictly speaking it’s yesterday). Went for BBQ with some people from work after my usual Japanese class(先生は美人だ!!!). Glad to be able to talk to a little more people than my usual, even if just for a short while.

But deep inside, I felt like I wasn’t useful to anyone even though I tried my best to help out, rather probably being an お邪魔. I guess I still have not found a way to start broadening my knowledge base nor become better as a person.

Even so, I still enjoyed the experience as a whole in my heart. Looking forward to more of such gatherings.

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