Long and good day today(strictly speaking it’s yesterday). Went for BBQ with some people from work after my usual Japanese class(先生は美人だ!!!). Glad to be able to talk to a little more people than my usual, even if just for a short while.

But deep inside, I felt like I wasn’t useful to anyone even though I tried my best to help out, rather probably being an お邪魔. I guess I still have not found a way to start broadening my knowledge base nor become better as a person.

Even so, I still enjoyed the experience as a whole in my heart. Looking forward to more of such gatherings.

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Been busy that time just flew by. Was able to get more things done and also more useful to others I think. But when I reflect on myself, I still find myself empty on the inside, as though something is missing. Hoping that good life-changing events will come soon.

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Feel so tired easily lately. Am I getting old or is it just me feeling tired of life? No, I am not suicidal, just that there’s almost nothing worth looking forward to in life. Anyway, why am I still awake at this hour? Time to hit the sack…

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Met up with an old friend for a quick catch up over dinner today. Been 6 to 7 years already I believe. A little surprised at how much time has passed, how some things have changed and how he has kind of made some progress in life. I still have yet to make any progress. It feels so hard to change myself in order to break out of the status quo and improve my current situation… Am I that lousy as a person?

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Even though I asked simply because I couldn’t control my want to know and won’t do anything about it after that, deep down, my dark side is making me feel like I am backstabbing. 本当にひどい人わけです。

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