It’s finally the end of 2018. It has been a painfully long year and at the same time it flew by just like that when I look back at it.
This year is a year of many(maybe not so many, but pretty big ones for me) losses for me. You are free to stop reading here if you don’t want your day to be ruined by my rantings.
First was the loss of my grandfather. This itself is already so sad, let alone the family dispute of the previous generation that came after it. There’s nothing to be had, so what more do you want?
Then came what I deemed as having my love interest “snatched away”. 看见你们经常一起有说有笑而我们面对面却无话可说，这真的不好受。Why is it I am so undesirable that it is so difficult to have a close female friend who could do things together from time to time? “比悲伤更悲伤的是习惯孤独”
Third is the departure of all the seniors at work whom I can really respect for their technical skills/exposure, as well as being smart when dealing with people in office and the bigger picture. This past month had been a power struggle as I fought hard for the control or the right to have a say in making key decisions. I just wanted everyone to know that even if I am not the best, I am more suited than whoever else is remaining in inheriting certain tasks. Though in the end I was not “crowned the successor”, I think I managed to hold control over things which I think mattered more. Call me a despot if you may, but I do not wish to see the downfall of the team’s reputation while I am still in the company.
Last, family threatens to fall apart any day. Trying to put the whole story here will make this post longer than it already is so NOPE.
Though pretty short-lived, there were times when I really felt happy despite me not getting into the habit of showing it. Really treasured those rare opportunities for quick small talks and company, no matter how slightly-above-superficial. Disappointingly, I just can’t get people to be more than just hi-bye friends.
Perhaps I am really stuck up in the head, especially when it comes to going into romance but it just sucks to be reminded that you are alone when everyone else around you is so lovey-dovey. How should I go about discovering things that matter more and be more successful in life, achieving life goals. I hope the new year will shed some light.
New Year Resolutions: oops I for got to put it in, not that I don’t have.
- Improve on technical abilities(should have done so in 2018…)
- Regain proficiency in Golang
- Learn how to PROPERLY deploy stuff using Kubernetes
- Devops best practices
- Network troubleshooting
- Improve security awareness when administrating systems
- Start making money through investments
- Do up my personal website so I can scrape this
- Be more likeable by people
- Find THE girlfriend(the least achievable, hence it is last)
If you have read till this point, many thanks for the listening ear. May you be successful in achieving your dreams this year.